From a friend’s journal,
“Keep your eyes peeled”, I whisper, “you don’t want to miss what’s next”
On the wall of the bathroom in All City,
“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, “It might have been.”
I like the excitement of what’s possible. I’m excited. Isn’t that weird?
yes, I’m a dreamer.
I really don’t have time to write this right now. This needs to be conveyed though. Want to know how to change the world? Find a way to put three hundred people together in the desert for a few days, and see what new relationships and bonds get built as a result.
Oh shit, check. Way to go people, I’m proud of all of you.
xkcd’s idocracy rant (I’m a bit behind on the internet) hits an personal note. I was thinking on the bike ride to work this morning about how I’ve always been humble, but some degree of that has been a matter of esteem and embarrassment.
By the time closing remarks for ToorCamp came around, all the organizers were dead tired and a lot was falling through the cracks, including shout-outs to staff.. As we walked out, Tim and Geo apologized profusely for forgetting to mention me. Divide and Jaq told me every time they started to thank someone, they were both thinking “Bryan did that! Yay Bryan!” only to it be about someone else. Ultimately, I wish other people got more attention, because I appreciated them, which I should probably make clearer…. Alright, done. Also, other post material.
I do what I do because it makes me happy. That’s the ultimate, direct, goal. I say direct because, for example, it’s not future notoriety that makes me happy. I’m happy while doing it, and feel satisfied as a product of my accomplishments. I still like feeling appreciated, and there’s an interesting tangent in there about who I want to be appreciated by.
So I didn’t mind being spared the embarrassment of being pointed out at the closing remarks.
This morning when I was thinking about humility, I was focused on esteem. I’ve mentioned numerous times the feeling of the realization that without noticing I’ve surpassed some intangible bar of measurement that I had applied to other people.
Matt’s opening a new hacker space as a business on Capitol Hill, called Metrix Create Space or something. Using his newly acquired laser he created some special wooden coins for this space which have some fiscal value. He gave me one last week, because I “build shit.”
And it happened again. Wait, what do I build? Oh yes. All of this. I built this. Huh, funny thing there, sir.
I’m glad that in retrospect I can see that my humility has been more finely tuned over the years as a result of my desires becoming more distinct and actualized.
I woke up this morning feeling like I had just had the most content sleep I have had in some time. Yet nigh twelve hours later I’m laying in the shadow of the suburban at a scenic view point near Vantage, napping as I finish the last towing run of Toorcamp. Ken passes time explaining the water buffalo to passer-by, distracting them from the dusty man with the pillow sleeping in the parking lot.
A lot needs to settle, and sink in. Some thoughts need to swirl around a bit, like fancy folk do with their wine. I simultaneously have everything to write about and nothing at all. It’s not a quandary to be mulled over, it’s just a smile.
There’s plenty I could be doing, I wish I was sleeping though. I feel like tomorrow is going to be busy, and I’d like a solid nights rest before it.
The thermal actuator in the front differential on the suburban finally gave out as I got back from Montana a while back. As I’m going to be in the desert, presumably in some dirt, I did the electronic actuator upgrade today. The technical bulletins recommend not using the electronic actuator on vehicles with a GVW over 8500 pounds, but the dealership didn’t have any replacement thermal actuators. With the harness, the upgrade was almost $300, but on short notice I couldn’t take the time to order the parts online.
I’m mostly packed for ToorCamp. A little shopping and sorting out the roof rack tomorrow and I’m off. I haven’t rigged up a 6 pin flat trailer electrical connector yet, but I can do it as late as when I show up to pick up the water trailer, to ensure I have the right wiring anyhow.
The Power Tool races were pretty awesome, although they could really use some bleachers.
I’ve figured out some pretty interesting things lately about how I feel and how I write about it. I’m feeling a bit lonely at the moment, even though there’s a bunch of people outside hanging out. I think I just want a hug.
My desire to write is trailing off…
How am I consistently up so much later than my plans are for? I rode the tallbike to work today, because I told Monica + Laura I’d ride it at the Greenlake race last night. I rode mass, where there were more tall bikes, plus naked people. There were police directing traffic at the first couple of lights which actually worked out relatively fine. When we came back through downtown we hit a street with backed up traffic and started weaving through it which totally broke up the group. I heard a couple Point83 folks complaining about how mass sucked and got frustrated. Then the group stopped at a red, and the lead proceeded to pull out in front of a moving bus, with hands in the air directing the bus to stop. Idiot.
Eventually we turned up Jackson, and I had enough of hills with street lights. This was about the ten mile mark for the day. I came back to Georgetown, had dinner and rigged up a rear derailleur, then headed back downtown to get some flyers copied and meet WHa(?). Off to Greenlake, raced the tallbike on the 2.5mi course, won funny-bike category, because you know, it’s automatic that way. A half dozen people got to ride the bike around, which is swell. I rode back to Georgetown alone, capping off the day with 37 miles on the tallbike.
Tori and I just finished postering for Squid, finalizing plans for Moses Lake, and I need some sleep for all that’s happening tomorrow.
Feeling good about today. Wanted to get a bunch done when I got home, but had dinner at Squid, watched a movie with Monica, then piled my bike in Ken’s trailer and rode the tandem to Monica’s house with her so she could hopefully ride it for Point83 tomorrow. Reassembled the IRO, and pulled the trailer back home, stopping to close out 9lb with some friends. All in all, I feel good about today, mostly because my rendevous after work was amiable, and, comforting?
I realized today when Tim emailed me that ToorCamp snuck on me. Time to get ready.
I slept last night. I can’t tell you why. But it was awesome. I sort of blacked out before bed, without an ounce of alcohol in me. Which leads me to believe I’m running waaay short on sleep. That’s never happened to me before sober, and is a little disconcerning.
Monica wants to borrow the tandem and asked me “is it safe?” I had never considered that, and no, it wasn’t really. The rear wheel was rebuilt some time ago, but I don’t think the drum brake got any love, it’s nigh useless. I had to laugh when I figured out that the brake handle has a parking brake pin built into it. Figuring parts for the drum brake wouldn’t be easy to get for it on short notice, I went over to Bike So Good and got a new 26″ wheel from Ashok. I dug some brake parts out of the bin in my shop, and put a front brake on it. The old front wheel was steel and had no machined surface for brakes anyhow. The whole process makes me want to fix up the drum brake, rebuild the hacked up front tensioner, and paint the whole thing.
Tori’s friend Nym dropped off a bike that he had pieced together a while ago that desperately needed some wheel truing. I got it all tuned up, but the chainline is way off. I need to pick up a vernier caliper and figure out of a different length bottom bracket can solve that problem or not. Plus, it really could use a front brake, only having a rear. I hadn’t thought until now of just swapping them, I’ll probably do that.
The “fork” on the tallbike got the welds ground down and some paint thrown on it to trick people into thinking the welds weren’t as monstrous as they actually were. It looks nice now. Can’t wait for Artopia this weekend.
Hanging out in the garage fixing and hacking bikes is nice, and my new hobby for spending some time not pushing myself too hard, while still achieving my goals. It’s definitely less risk on the cost/benefit front than, well, most everything else I’m doing right now.
Big day at work today, still anxious about activites after work tonight. It’s tough finding a balance between wanting life to work out right, and trying so hard not causing so much anxiety.
xkcd Game Theory. I love you Randall. But we keep a tryin’.
Riding the tallbike to work is so awesome, except for downtown. Stopping at lights every few blocks is annoying as hell. My trick has been to ride up third ave, and when I hit a light loop back on the sidewalk and drop into the road a half a minute later to head back towards the light. It’s sort of a shame it’s such a pain, everyone at the bus stops on third seems to be full of smiles. For my own good times, maybe in a month I’d just ride to Stadium Station and take Link into the tunnel. Saves both the hill, and all the stop lights that matter.