i have only one thing i want to be absolutely sure to say:

if you continue to let your father influence your life, whether you’re doing it willingly or not, you will turn out just as shitty as he is. i don’t understand what or why you’re doing what you’re doing, but it’s pathetic and selfish and just like him.

It’s really great to have perspective sometimes, to be able to look back at the times we felt insane with the experience that’s come since then.

I look forward to the day when I never have to disclaim my intentions again, when my life is full of only people that know that I mean well, even when it unintenionally comes out some other way.

Not everything I want to say fits in a tweet. Of course, most of what I say I don’t think everyone needs to read. And therein is the line.

Or, as says Sherri Grasmuck, a sociology professor at Temple University who has studied Facebook profiles: “I become the social movement as an affirmation of my identity, rather than choosing the social movement because it matches my identity.”

“Just like we need stuff to furnish our homes to show who we are,” says Colding-Jorgensen, “on Facebook we need cultural objects that put together a version of me that I would like to present to the public.”

As usual, I am not a scholar (IANAS?), but this is pretty fucking awesome stuff. Sourced from a WP article.

More awesome conversation with Andy recently about many of these things, and a interesting quote from Amber at another conference:

Teenagers are leaving the letters “idk” on their tests when they don’t know. #isf09 @owyang

So many more conversations and thoughts than I have the time to write about. Life is hard.

Oh! Seattle BMF twitter and facebook page are up!

A friend created a Foursquare venue called Sanity and then checked in after her talk. This is awesome.

I’m pretty sure I’m usually a few inches from the edge. Mother often says “I wouldn’t want to be any other way” when we talk about being advocates for having and expressing feelings. I’ve talked about trying sleeping medication to ensure I’m not so edgy. I’m not sure that it really matters anymore.

Bags full of propaganda upset me. Out late last night, tired today, sort of felt like I ran out of steam for dealing with the crowds. Took a short, only slightly fufilling nap. And, what now? Pass some time before dinner. Look at some more debian packaging, maybe some ubuntu virtualization bugs. Rant a little?

15:42 <@ipl31> man camping this weekend made me really want to buy some land out in the middle of nowhere
15:43 <@btm> ipl31: I want land in the middle of nowhere on which to build a cabin-shed on.

Yeah, that too. I think I really, really need to squeeze in some solid sleep.

I’ve pretty much accepted just keeping my mouth shut about my feelings for a long while is best for everyone, because every time I open my mouth I’m just indulging my bullshit.

In other news. San Jose has been fun. I’ve been biking a lot, particularly to Dennis’ office in Santa Clara. Met up with Tim and Dave and went to SF for dinner then Transformers 2 at the IMAX. Keep hanging out with Andy, which has been super interesting conversation, looking forward to more of it tomorrow. I’ve run into a bunch of other people I know from out of town and I’ve only been chilling around thus far. I hung out at Good Karma, had some sweet vegan fare, chatted about bikes with a local at the bar for a while. So as long as I stay downtown, I’m relatively happy with San Jose.

Lots of staring out into the woods on the train. I realized I’m pretty jealous deep down and don’t like that so I sort of ignore it. Oh, look, regrets, funny to see you there.

And the path? Face it, I guess. This is pretty big though, and I wonder how much I should be talking about it and how much I’ve really said too much about already. I tend to not shut the fuck up very well, which apparently is part of people’s problem with me.

Sometimes I have to roll the dice and decide if the number of projects I’m currently working on, but waiting on something, is too high to start another one rather than just wait.

A friend wrote me an awesome little thought,

A new lover asked me a few weeks or months ago, whether I’d ever been in love. I’m not sure. I guess I don’t really know which feelings being “in love” is meant to encompass. And do the feelings have to be mutual to be “in love with” ? Well I still don’t know, but I consulted wikipedia and came across “Limerence” which is kind of an interesting concept: “an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person,” involving, among other things, “acute longing for reciprocation, fear of rejection, and unsettling shyness in the limerent object’s presence.” It kinda sums up all sorts of emotions that probably everyone experiences but no one really acknowledges in such a straightforward way.

I’ve been thinking about all of this a bunch lately. Still struggling with the right ways to act, how to express myself, and what it all means to how I feel at the end of the day.

Thinking about my regular disclaimer about context on the ride into day and I got to thinking that I write a number of very black and white statements, but that I don’t necessarily think in that way. Further, it’s like these thoughts are a splotch of black added to my conscious thoughts than then gets averaged into what already exists forming a tide of gray opinion.

Such a long, sick day. Ended gloriously though. Felt better in Tacoma, Meg’s show rocked, good times with bike kids having dinner at a bar in Tacoma, then back to Seattle. Lots of little stories. Say Anthony on the hill, gave him a ride home, told us about seeing bike kids with antlers. Crazy british dude riding my tallbike in the alley and later in the parking lot across from 9lb. Ashok showed up at 9lb. I continue to love Georgetown. Tomorrow is my last day before everything changes. When I come back from San Jose, Tori and company will be gone, as well as Jarrod for a bit.

Odd conversation with the counselor today because I was in another place. Life is funny, how it works out is bizarre. There comes a time when I stop trying to make sense and get in the back seat. Succesfully didn’t build anything today!

Funny conversation with Eric where he ran into a libvirt bug in Ubuntu that I fixed a couple of days ago but hadn’t applied to our systems yet. Plumblers homes always have the worst plumbing.

Today begins the exercise of writing emails that won’t be sent. I’m shifting back and forth between here and there, feeling for the right home for each thought. The more I think about it, the more the words seems worthless.

If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.

“You look sad”

Yeah, well, it is sad that this is our choice, that this is what we want. This really isn’t anything. And that’s sad too, because I want to build something.

What an unexpected turn of events going out to the bar alone on a Monday night can bring in a neighborhood like Georgetown. Bike advocacy projects need more attention I think. First though, gotta finish the rack. Camaraderie sometimes still has it’s heart in the right place.