happy new yrs from your long distance crush (wait, crusher?)

G! I’m so excited to hear from her tonight, even though I’m about 10 days behind the mail. G was responsible for turning me on to the concept of limerance six months ago, which lead to buying Love and Limerance and ultimately making me feel all that much less weird.

Thoughts of mortality earlier gave me some fear of regret. I sat on that for a while and sided on it usually being best to communicate than not to. Relationship FOMO sometimes makes me want to keep my mouth shut, but then this little voice pops up in my head chastising me in a soft tone with love. The voice reminds me that I’m being honest about how I feel and that is a good thing. In the sort of way that it’s the Right Thing[tm] good. I ponder for a bit about if I’m rationalizing the past. Right or wrong, I always feel a lot better when I get something off my chest. It’s good for me, and I hope the people that care about me want that. I’m definitely more at ease now than prior to my letter. I’m not anxiously awaiting a response, I’m smart enough to surmise what it is, and that writing the letter was more to be able to tell myself that I had put forth the effort and it wasn’t going to work out, so I won’t regret not have later. And also to simply say what I felt. Am I repeating myself yet? I’m just thinking out loud at this point. Stupid unintelligible streams of consciousness.

So that’s done. Uhh, what’s next? Deploying servers in Ireland! Oh technology, together we’ll build something beautiful.