That whole “before I crash” thing? I must have hit post in my sleep. And typed most of that in my sleep too. If this sleep weirdness is still going on after this week I’ll likely bite the bullet and finally start tracking it so I can try to figure it out. I barely slept Saturday night, then a short nap for a couple of hours around 9am. I’ve dragged myself up after eight hours of sleep to keep from getting too much at once, even if I should be catching up from yesterday.

I did about 40mi RT yesterday meeting up with Bike Sabbath and going to Lynnwood Skate and Bowl. Good times were had, skating was fun, biking in always fun, drank a bunch but not too much. I like riding with that group. I want to say it is a maturity level, but that is just the first word that comes to mind. Certainly there seems to be a shortage of drama, a simpleness, it feels more like hanging out and less like bro-town when the drinking hits. Anyhow, got home in the rain around midnight. There were many offers for a couch, but I figured I ought to just make it back home. Turned out to not be that bad except the last stop for the remainder of the group was still ten miles from home for me.

Somehow I tore another pair of Carhartts on the way downtown. I don’t understand how I’m getting so destructive on pants, and it’s making me a little nervous to wear the Filson’s pants my grandparents bought me for Christmas. Looks like heavy rain for a few days so I might as well start though.

There’s a bigger thread in last nights note about flirting that I think I was really trying to get to but couldn’t because writing while I was sleeping and was pretty close to a pure emotional dump. I think I’ve written in the past about dating exhaustion, feeling like I’m putting an incredible amount of energy forth to be honest and communicate clearly, while being supportive of other peoples issues. Eventually, this level of energy consumption sneaks up on you. It isn’t like physical activity, you can’t attribute it to a hard day of work or a long bike ride. It is most similar to stress in that, at the time you feel a tinge of it’s weight, but it isn’t until later that you feel the burden of the accumulation.

Years ago in Maine I would occasionally trot off to my father’s house for a couple of nights to hide from everyone and recover. That transparent weight of holding everything together socially got to be too much at times. I recall my friend Ben inviting me once on a trip to Canada with some friends, and how surprisingly excited I was at the idea because it wasn’t mine, I didn’t have to plan it or get anyone involved. I could just go and have a good time. Of course, once we got going it turned out the consensus of how to get to Canada was to just drive north until you hit a border, so I ended up driving.

Looks like they’re rebuilding the Airport Way bridge over the Argo yard in 2011. Just got distracted making sure my complaints about cycling over the Argo yard were lodged.

So, I have a pretty good idea of who I am, what issues I’m working on, and what I want in a relationship. Life is definitely a lot easier when other people do too. I’ve never expected life to be easy though, and consider helping a partner though this to be par, especially since I believe this evolves throughout life as we grow and change. Assuming that we do. Perhaps because of my sense of time, I feel in a hurry. Not because of my age, but because time feels like it goes so very fast. Sometimes I have to sit myself down and remind myself it has only been a few days since something happened and I should wait and see what occurs next.

I feel out of energy for this, and I’m not sure that I made my point, but I’ve at least accomplished feeling better. I have a lot of evening plans this week, so I best get to work soon and actually do some of it.