Hell of a day. Lets see how much I can get down before I crash.

Essentially M recently asked me if she had been ‘cock-blocking me’, and hilarity ensued. I expressed to her while it wasn’t what I was looking for, I certainly didn’t mind the flirting, since nobody else is flirting with me at the moment. More importantly, I can’t remember when the last time someone flirted with me was, which means it has certainly happened earlier than I remember. There’s that whole gender role issue to start with, and I’m under no misconception that there is anything wrong with me to prevent girls from flirting with me, but it doesn’t happen all that often. I tend to write this off as the ones that do are super confident. But all of my relationships for years have been a product of me pushing them. Most recently, A commenting that “[she] is not hitting on me”.

And thus casual dating began, because the relationships I wanted were not manifesting and that isn’t for a lack of me trying.

I shared a lot with Dad today. There was some sad news. An old friend from school passed and whatnot. More meaningfully was talking with him about how he still had unresolved feelings about the “beehive” he had stepped and his acknowledgement of my feelings for M when I talked to him about wanting to bring her home. I was very up front with him about that, and he was very understanding of my motives and my feelings.