Currently listening to: Whatever the bar is playing, including “If I go it will be trouble. If I stay it will be double.”

My memory is surely exhagerating, but I feel like J is alwaysasking me if I like her, or what she represents. Started watching “Adventureland” under the impression it was cute, but got turn to shreds for so many reasons. Turned it off halfway through and went to he bar, despite.

I’m convinced I should stop trying for a while, years, to step back and let someone chase me. As always, that is such an infintismal and minute part of what would make me happy. Such a naive and immature feeling.

I’m completely convinced I should trust my heart in the future, but what to do with the blackness that comes from my heart of the past?

I’m so close to having everything figured out that I used to think mattered. Upon arrival, it is all charisma and confindence. Valuable, but only skin deep. None of this is what I was looking for.

I kid about about having all of life figured out except relationships. Really though, I’m confident about all of it, or at least knowing where I stand and what the path is if I want more.

This may be the only challenge I feel is a net loss.

Time to turn in my “Sailor Jerry” chip for a free drink.