Rode up to Fremont to catch some bike kids, ended up talking with S mostly as everyone had or was peeling off. Talked about the great girl-free November, how much energy seems to go into relationships. I mentioned my staying away from girls that may be uncomfortable around me, work, and volunteering as my reasons for not being around so much. I feel good about November. Just a few more days and I’ll reassess those goals and make some new ones for December. Everyone was surprised that I made a 10mi ride (20 RT) to just wander out. I had a beer with S, but nobody was around to pester me to drink so I didn’t have to bring up the excuse that I’m on call for ARC this week. Conversation with S about the girls I’ve given space to, I try not to give anything away. Not that I don’t trust S, I just really try to keep that out of bike rides. I don’t know, give more thought I may have said different things but I played it cautious. S talked about M and I didn’t say much. Yeah, things are fine with M. I guess. I can never tell with her. Or at least they seem fine, she just never tells me if they’re fine.

I think back to two years ago. Dating S, just started at Widemile, busing to work from the Awful Shark. I talked to M for a while tonight. Asked how she was, how the holidays were. She’s not even there. Talking to S tonight complaining about younger girls that think they have it all figured out.

Relationships are tough because there always seems to be something to not work out, but it seems like two people wanting to make it work out is all it would take. It seems like it’s always only one of us.

Sticking my arms like a plane out while riding at night reminds me of the Jared Leto 30 Seconds From Mars video and makes me feel awkward. Funny.

Dad called while I was at an HfH site this week and asked if I was going for volunteer of the year when I told him where I was. I realize the majority of my social group isn’t the volunteering type. I aim to change that.

Watching Star Trek for the second time in two days, I’m both reminded of being disappointed that I didn’t get to watch it with M, and how grown up I realized I’ve become since moving to Seattle. It seems I’ve always had more responsibility than is normal for my age, which has sort of blinded me to the change. Sort of makes me worry a bit about getting to where I’m going without too much cynicism.

And so it goes.