Andy and I were trying to figure out tonight where all the dramatic people come from. I mean, I get it.. people get upset about shit and can’t deal with it constructively and at some point they overflow and get all drama and whatnot. I’ve been a longstanding fan of stopping arguments when I start to get upset for such reasons. Unfortunately more recently I have been in a full blown situation where I was central to an argument. On one hand that’s a good thing, on another, I’m stuck only with arguments from a couple relationships ago with which to ponder my reasonableness.

I’ll leave the story out of it, for the innocents or whatever they’re called. But tonight was dramatic. Someone I can’t sleep because of it, even a few beers later. Ry is coming over and we’re going to go get some breakfast, maybe I’ll just stay up and leave work when I get tired or something so I can still get some shit done without mentally caving in.

You have to wonder why we put up with so much drama. It seems like most people survive under the assumption that it’s the other persons fault. “I’m totally normal, they’re fucked up” sort of speak.

I really need a stash of a case of vitamin water in here, waking up in the middle of the night needing something to drink with only random beer bottles I’ve brought home from weird parties doesn’t get me anywhere.

When you think about it, the arguments make no sense. You’re not going to convince someone to re-evaluate their life by calling them names. It’s all emotion driven, I guess the super shitty thing is when that emotion is driven by somehow feeling like you’re better than them.

I keep having this bizarre argument with a friend about something similar. Neither of us have anything riding on it, so we always just drop the conversation. She’s convinced that I’m somehow tricking everyone into thinking I’m a nice guy, as most people I know think I’m a nice guy, but since none of them really know me, they don’t really that I’m not a nice guy. I’m pretty convinced that I’m a nice guy, but I’m waaay too sensitive and emotionally vulnerable. I figure that doesn’t make a ton of sense to the uninitiated on its own though. In retrospect, that sort of makes sense to me though. Looking back at the times when I’ve been unable to deal with situations, I feel like there’s a common thread of self-doubt. That’s a great word for right now, but I’m thinking specifically about an emotional thread, which brings on some vulnerability and then without ender telling me which way the enemy’s gate is I get all fucked up and have to take a break.

There’s a fuck ton of mishap in the world, or drama if you will, that comes from people and their self-doubt, their need to build up themselves.  Sometimes it’s in these intricate and “passive aggressive” maneuvers, other times they’re just telling you a bad person and who are you to think that they are the bad person, you, you, bad person.

I can’t stop thinking about this shit. Hopefully it’s worth it, because it keeps me up at night. I try thinking about something less stressful and consuming but at some point even the thought of a nice day comes back to how people’s bullshit makes even a nice day not so nice. Hopefully at some point these thoughts will form into a plan for world peace, or at least peace amongst some form of cute wildlife.

I’ll probably be moving into the woods when I turn thirty, as the older I get the more complicated life seems to.

Ry’s here though, off for food.