well fuck, none of that really worked as hoped. Under the circumstances, I should have known better. It’s a boon to realize what I previously thought was pure amiability had a desire for reciprocity at it’s core. It’s much more understandable now.

Hope, being the problem, and also the fulcrum upon which the heart is balanced. The benefit of having numerous social groups is that I can stand to lose one or two. Once again, that which is malignant has to be carefully resected from memory. It’s unfortunate, but when I consider the list of what is meaningful and actually present in my life, as opposed to fancy, it is clear it is probably time to make that step anyhow.