Mom gave me a book recently written about The Community School, an alternative high school that she graduated from, called Changing Lives. The book came out fifteen years ago, and from the chapter on my mother I was around ten when it was written.

Reading the chapter about my mother is interesting, but I was mostly struck by the Forward. I’d like to quote the whole thing, but I’ll hold short with the first paragraph.

I realized recently that we weep with joy at our children’s weddings — even after we have outgrown fairy tales — because we long to believe there will be someone there for them when we no longer are. Someone to kiss away the bruises, to stand up for them to nurse them when they are ill and defenseless. Yet we know better; what they really need is the competences and the will to overcome.

I was raised to figure life out for myself, and so I have. There was much doubt in my youth that this was an appropriate way to raise a child. Despite all of the tragedy, the ups and downs life throws at you, I persevered and I’m a more competent person for it. There’s no sense in arguing the course, I turned out pretty all-right.

What shines through is that they have developed the habit of being unsentimentally reflective. Their inward look includes a startling willingness to take responsibility for their own lives. There is no hint of grievance-collecting, not a whiney tone in the lot, not even a legitimate sense of self-pity! They have a past to tell about and a way of thinking it over that does not lack for psychological insight. Their way of putting the pieces together gives them strength, endurance, and a confidence that they’ll resurface if they hold on to two unshakable beliefs: the power of intelligent thought and the importance of being responsible.

“There was an environment…that nurtured self-thought,” says Pat. “I had much more freedom…but with…responsibility. What you do not only affects yourself but other people — thats the big thing I learned.” She acknowledges the toughness but also the need to “take what you are given and mold it into something that makes you happy.”

And so it goes, and so I’m trying to take what I’m given and find that happiness in it. Carefully, but, without the hindrance of too much fear.