I’ve been calling Mom a lot lately with nowhere left to turn. Combined with the bruised ribs and related soreness, anxiety built up again today. Hello there again. Dating felt weird. I talk about my first date with L for a while. Mom says that I’m still not over L, and everyone is going to be in her shadow until I am.

We talk about M, and how I finally came to hold M accountable for what she did to me, and leveraged that to move on. I have to acknowledge, against my stubborn and biased heart, the similarities between the situations. I’m very reluctant to believe someone with much heart and empathy can act so selfishly with so much disregard for what it will do to me. She’s right though. I’ve been here before. It’s my reckless trust that is so deeply ingrained in me, my love, that keeps blinding me to this reality. L specifically said that she was doing what was best for her, not for me, or for us. It doesn’t get any more clearly selfish than that. I should let myself hold her accountable for her hand in everything that’s happened.