K and I shared a gifted and talented (G&T) art class, around fifth grade. I liked her then, but I couldn’t tell you in what way. I couldn’t tell you much from that age, in fact. I was in a few G&T classes then. I learned BASIC in one, and there may have been one for math. I forget how this worked, when I found the time for the tiny group or one-on-one lessons. When I tracked her down on facebook, it was this unidentifiable attraction that drove it. I was really happy that she turned out to be someone I did like, twenty years later.

Once again, I found myself talking to J about my incredibly strong yet irrational feelings for Z. I’ve gained a lot of acceptance for them, but I’m still having trouble focusing on what those feelings mean for my future. J responded by telling me about reading about gifted people feeling more strongly than most. She added that I had found a connection to Z, and noted that is incredibly rare for me.

This bothered me.

One of the basic characteristics of the gifted is their intensity. Intensity is not a matter of degree but of a different way of experiencing: vivid, absorbing, penetrating, encompassing, complex, commanding – a way of being quiveringly alive.

I’ve thought and written in the past about identifying with “A Beautiful Mind” circumstances emotionally, although I always downplay my intelligence. In the same way I prefer to be recognized as just another guy who can help you fix your truck rather than a highly paid and skilled technology worker, I’ll take smart over gifted any day.

Only a few more days until I’m home. I need to build a garage in Maine and I’m not sure when I’ll find the time, but it doesn’t feel right to have someone else build it.