I’ve gotten solid nights of sleep the last three nights or so. I wake up a few times and look at the clock, but I think if I’m on a regular schedule there will be a fair amount of that. I think this will help everything right now.

I dreamt about my father again last night. He was showing me something or introducing me to someone I had never met before. Skis? His grandfather? Suddenly, as others came home, I was caught outside one of the second story windows of the house. As they came to unlock the window to let me in, I found some other way to climb down.

For years I’ve had this old photo of my dad hanging on the wall somewhere that I lived, from when he was about 22. As I grow older, it becomes clearer how much of my parents lives I never knew. I’ve thought about this a lot in regard to my father over the years, because it always seemed he did more than he did with me. Partially because “I never asked” and partially because everything fell apart, he got older, more tired, more sick than he would admit.

Is this all the more reason to keep producing, or to live more? I feel like I’m always working, at something. Be it last nights projects in the shop, my actual job and the extra work that is related, or my volunteering. Should I be spending more of that time out with friends, camping or dancing? Can I be happier, and have more fun, or is this contentedness not only the way I am, but the way my father was, his before him, and perhaps, so on?

Friends comment on how I have so many friends, family, and people that care about me. When I think about this, I figure must have already found a balance. Will I assume that for the next thirty years?