The alarm goes off at 6am. No terribly early, perhaps for a Saturday. I did the math a little late and ended up hanging out with L before realizing I was only getting a few hours of sleep tonight.
I’ve been talking to J about “adults” and “women” versus “girls.” I talked to M about it the other day and she retorted that girls lived our lifestyle while woman lived… the American dream? the option presented by television?
Yet I’ve pondered. I’ve attached myself to a lifestyle that seemed, calm, and unpretentious. Yet, more and more I feel like it isn’t. Balance to be found? again? Does what Z have to say matter these days? I told Mom that I didn’t expect a response, but I wouldn’t be surprised by one. The expectation is more of an attitude than anything else.
I feel eager to build something today. In contrast to that excitement, however foolhardy, everything about Z feels, well, feels like there just isn’t any content. Thats reasonable, she’s too stubborn to be happy.
In closing, I just had a dream that H and I visited my the old Haydrian office. Except it was a different building. We were going because they hadn’t paid the rent in five months, but somehow they were still there. I found Phil there, asleep leaning against a wall. The secretary was there, her name escapes me at the moment. We were going to leave with an old black powder rifle, but I found some device that lead me to what I assumed was gold in a cabinet. So strange.
in re: women vs girls: just had a conversation about this, weirdly.
personally, I don’t think its as black and white as to be defined by lifestyle. That answer seems too easy, and there is no way that could apply blanket-statement-style to every woman in the “lifestyle” (I’m not even sure lifestyle could be applied to every woman, or person, in the “lifestyle”. whoa. like, deep.)
Think about it this way: when is the last time you felt like a “boy”? I know I haven’t thought of myself as a “girl” since I was prepubescent, but I rarely object to being called a girl- depends on whose doing the calling, and their intention behind it (it is super interesting to note when certain people refer to me as a girl versus when they refer to me as a woman, but that’s a whole other sociological experiment).
I think its perfectly reasonable to be a woman and still be silly and free and different and creative (the lifestyle?). I don’t think imagination, impulsiveness, independence, or what have you, is the province of childhood, or “girlhood” alone. Maybe adulthood is the balancing act of responsibility and ridiculousness.
I often think of myself as a ‘kid’ and rarely as a ‘man.’ The latter tends to be when I think of 401ks, insurance policies and career choices. Going out of adventures that don’t feel as if they would be part of a nine to five life, living spontaneously and without much regard for the long term make up kid life. ‘Boy’ is usually reserved for humor about immaturity or sex.
It does tend to be centered around lifestyle though, in the way I use the labels. Women talk about their nails and go to dinner parties where they drink wine and pretend to be more interesting and mature th an they are. Men join them, acting confidently suave so as to bed them.
And more, but that’s kind of funny. Sure, you can be a “free silly and creative” female and be called a woman. Or a girl. Or an airplane. Its all about the context of what those words mean to someone. I’m relatively indifferent to battles for winning back a word so that “women” can still be “silly.”