Plus there can be an overwhelming physcial feeling of lethergy, tiredness, and no energy. Then if you add SAD psychological conditon to the mix, it just amplifies everything. Plus you metion other undelt with issues as well which compound everything plus may introduce a sense of guilt. That is a whole lot to deal with….
A friend of one of my grandparents had some things to say about my fathers situation. This man doesn’t know my father. This reminds me that I was talking to a friend the other day about how my parents have never pressured me to settle down and they said, “even your father?” I don’t know what caused them to believe my father would care, but it took me a moment to realize they had no understanding of my father and had never met them. My friends that had always liked him and got a kick out of him. In any case, I feel like my fathers situation is clear to me.
Where does this sense of calmness I have come from anyhow? A few weeks ago I was really frustrated with a situation at work and I took note. I don’t recall the last time I was that frustrated with someone. Perhaps as far back as M? That feels so long ago. Time. In a couple days it will be two years since L and I became friends. I don’t know what to make of that situation. T and I were talking a little while ago about the people that you like that get a pass, that you care about them in such a fashion that rules and expectations that would apply to other relationships just don’t. It isn’t that you decide it is worth it not to, it is that a stop in your decision making is skipped by the express train to… literately (yes, literately) speaking, a tunnel.
It has been time to be outdoors lately. I can feel spring. It isn’t here, but I can sense it. I’m starting to admit my need for sunlight. I think I need to take more vacation than I normally do, probably more than I get. As I biked home from a volunteer meeting on Capitol Hill, I listened to Rancid on the spare ipod. This reminded me of a time I was feeling out of place at my grandparents house for my singleness and perhaps my lack of social connections. I went for a long walk, hours I suppose, long enough for the family to start to worry about where I was. Perhaps a call for attention? Hrmf. It was a long time ago.