You’ve built a nice little life for yourself here, and that’s not something to be taken for granted.
My father implied recently that the last thing he would want is for me to move back to Maine because of his health. When I talked to him about building a cabin he said that I’d made a nice life out here.
Even if you and Dora didn’t work out, you’re still surrounded by people who care about you.
T and I drove around the region the other night picking up some random parts for the new suburban. At Best Buy, I flirted with the cashier. After, T and I joked about how I wouldn’t have done that five years ago.
Five years ago.
T and I talked about the situations where friends tell you to “just get over it” as if your feelings can be turned off. M felt the same way toward me, that I could stop caring the way I do. I’ve stopped talking to her about that, but it remains at the forefront of my thoughts. It shapes so much.
I think about a story M told me about buying a part for her car, and scrounging around for it because it was so expensive. This weekend, I bolted on a part to the new Suburban that was not only expensive and new, but I bought a third party modification to try to reduce the likelihood of its failure as well. I could have built that part myself. Why didn’t I? In short, because I have more money than time. The fact that I live a much more consumer oriented lifestyle than M hasn’t ever mattered, but I wonder if it did if we spent more time together.
J offered recently that I remove myself from a few projects and situations where I’m a leader, where I carry the weight of responsibility, and that I spend more time focused on myself. What if every weekend was open to do whatever I wanted, alone? I can’t remember that.
Tonight, I have dinner with M2, a past girlfriend and great person. And last night, M3, a friend of friends, asked me out, so a coffee date tomorrow. I haven’t dated since K. In another way, I can’t measure the distance between my life and M’s. It doesn’t make sense. But it is.
M4 and I drove the new truck to my mothers yesterday so I could put some miles on it and test out the new parts. It snowed in Eatonville, and I felt at peace. I really want out of the city. Still, when I came back that evening and dropped into Pioneer square to leave something at the office, it was nice to return. Frost.