In less than twenty hours I’ll be on the road toward BRC. Like counting summers, tonight’s sleep will be the last in Washington for around seventeen nights.

Dad mentioned being brought to tears recently. I caused this once, years ago when dating M. Fuck, I need to get home to spend time with him. J asked if I thought I would change anything, I don’t know. I’ll regret it if I don’t.

An incredibly meaningful letter from J today. She mentioned letting things stew, and I’m tempted to share that point of view, but I feel more like giving my own feelings a big hug. I feel like I can either focus on life being possibly very complicated, or having great, strong, relationships with people in my life. I’ll take the latter ma’am, thanks.

I imagined the possibilities of my life ten years from now, and then meeting up with M and her making a comment about being glad things did not work out between us because it wouldn’t have been the life she wanted. I imagined kicking the dirt and asking if she really thought that, if she thought our lives would be anything like what they were if we had worked out our problems.

Meh. The dreams about the ambiguity… Don’t get me wrong, I love M, but I’ll take the people who reciprocate love and want to be a part of my life.