Days ago, the bottom of my whiteboard acquired, “Everything I did today was Awesome.” Because, I’m reminding myself daily that not only did I do spectacular things, but that only I need to think so [anymore?].

I had mediation today. Blah. Long story short, we’ll be in trial in July. To provide an up to the down, I also bought chickens today.

I was talking to A about the demise of dating, about passion and action and how it is difficult for me to find in women. He made some implications about how most women want your life, not their own, and stood by this acknowledging the sexist tones. Right now, I ponder the opposite, the fiercely independent who are scared and only want their own. Balance, blah blah blah. Anyhow, months back M asked me about certain plans and why I wasn’t moving on them and I said because they were things I wanted to with a partner.

Someone told me today that I had made two really great financial decisions. One was to not get married, the other to [not have kids]. I got talking to him about my lifestyle, and my priorities, and how difficult it is to find people that I feel have similar desires. About how I had fully realized dating someone “nice” isn’t enough, how vital passion is to me, and again, how rare it is.

Two people asked me recently why I stopped drinking and I told them both because there’s so very much to be done and not enough time.

While giving up on dating is probably temporary, or at least its revival will surely be in a different period of my life than that in which it paused, much less is complicated than it used to seem.