I was describing a happy memory, and how I feel when I think about it to J, about how I feel like I lost something, like opportunity or possibility. She thought my feeling was on of sadness and disappointment over losing a connection to someone. That I felt that M understood me and simultaneously appreciated me. Despite emails hence that may have proved this contrary, there is no mistaking how rarely I feel connected to anyone. Which makes a bit of sense considering how far the scales were tipped toward awesome, past prior expectations. Which is to say that what felt like enough a year ago doesn’t feel so important anymore.