Twelve hours of sleep last night, breakfast with Mom, then a forty mile bike ride, including a tour of five water towers with Bike Sabbath. Stopped in the UD to meet a friend to get some comforting, and ran into other friends around the neighborhood as well. Come to think of it, ran into lots of bike kids on the ride too. Recovery and distraction.

Recent external pressure is making me deal with the repercussions of things that happened a long time ago that I still don’t feel ready to deal with. It’s gotta happen some day I suppose.

It may sound crass, but I was in some way happy when the whole M issue spurred you to take up the suggestion to seek counseling. Somehow counseling around relationship issues was something you could do.

Man, why does that just leave me angry at M? More feeling abandoned. So afraid to trust, and so afraid not to. I remember a comment from her expressing her being glad my friends and family were there to take care of me when she left me. As she got more frustrated, that quickly turned into the implication that I wasn’t her problem anymore, she washed her hands of me, and with it her guilt and feelings.

It’s not appropriate to quote all of this at this time, as much as I want to:

… as if something was chasing you and might catch up.

It’s getting very close to time to give up I suppose.