Current theme song: Bonnie Tyler – Making Love Out of Nothing at All.

Reflective days lately. I just want to be outside.

And I’m never gonna tell you everything I gotta tell you
But I know I gotta give it a try

I may have written about this lately, but I got talking to J about how I naturally fall back on being up front with how I feel and what I think. I suppose I’m pretty good at filtering what I think as appropriate, but I struggle more with filtering how I feel. It was really hard, and still is, deciding what to keep from L. It’s sort of a moot point, I suppose, but it feels real, so it is real. I suppose this filters people, because not everyone really knows how to deal with how raw I can be. I definitely throw a blanket of sarcasm over all of it. A friend made a comment about the tunnel on facebook recently which sparked a bit of debate. I responded mostly with sarcasm, such as complaining about the gridlock on the ferries, but did make some honest remarks. A couple people laughed at my jokes. One gave recognition to my use of references in a facebook argument. Another said,

In general I don’t engage arguments against the BTM ‘cuz he’s one of those rare people smart enough to withhold an opinion unless he’s got solid backing for it.

I laughed because he’s right. I don’t like arguing over something I don’t think I know much about or have experience with. I hate it when other people do. It’s pretty neat that someone noticed. I think.

But yeah! It feels real, so it is real. God dammit, kid. Next person that tells me to “get over it” I’m going to have Tori punch.

Anyway, I don’t know that it’s particularly common that folks figure out what’s on the other side of that sarcasm. I mean, people that spend a while around me all get to know my heart and dependability. This course is why I tend to laugh at trying to figure out other people too much, since it has been such a road figuring out myself. Along the way I’ve learned to not try to make everyone like me, and not worry too much when they don’t. As I told M recently, “I just often feel like I’m squinting at a star-ish shaped piece wonder if it’s going to squeeze into that space or not.” Also, fuck your context.