I hid under my comforters in pajama pants and an extra large hoodie, talking to my mom on the phone about today’s doctor visit, love, and my earlier call with dad. There is a strange state of aloneness that I am accustom to when it comes to my father. Mom said his situation makes her sad. She knew him when he was more alive. I barely did, wide eyed and full of innocence. I like to think I didn’t lose that innocence, I just gained some wisdom to keep it straight.

Despite it being ten o’clock, I went out to the shop to work on the dirt bike. Something still wasn’t right with the kick-start kit that L and I had installed a couple months ago. Over the weekend I had pulled the crankcase cover again and fiddled with it until I was pretty sure I understood what was going on. By the end of the day, I was ready to reassemble the engine but lacked oil. I got some, but ended up watching movies with the girls instead of going back out later. Tonight, I got it all back together. I had also rebuilt the carb again. I’m glad, the float valve was really cocked up and needed to be replaced rather than cleaned. It took a while to get the engine to stay running, and then a while longer to get the idle set screw on the throttle thumbed down. I put about twenty-five cold miles on the bike though, wandering around the area. It took a while to get used to the lack of power and the squirrely tires. The BMW has really spoiled me.

It’s nice to have it running again. It’s nice to ride around on a clear night to the city lights. Once again, I looked off in disbelief as to how I got here. I wonder, if I ever have children, if I’ll get used to this feeling by then.

Current theme song: Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime