I’ve spent the last three days with the flu, the bulk of which in DC. I managed to sleep most of the flight home, to which I attribute the fact that I didn’t vomit. Since I landed, I’ve been sleeping and watching netflix. As time goes on, the insanity and confusion settles and more of reality seems to stick.

I watched Blue State. A vocal liberal man who is disgusted with Bush’s reelection decides to move to Canada in protest. A woman, who turns out to be running from her redeployment to Iraq for the Army, goes along with them. Politics ensue. It’s well written. The more I think about it, the more I realize this. I stopped at one point and considered if I’m being a bit hypocritical for considering myself a critical thinker when I’ve never been one to take music or movies apart much, but rather look for solace in them.

The background music is now a Bukowski film. It reads like one. I mean, it watches like one.

While traveling through Canada, they stumble across a draft dodger who has been living in Canada since the Vietnam war. He lives in a hand built log cabin in the middle of nowhere and they reconsider if they want that life. This is, of course, striking to me. I’m not entirely accustom to this yet, to the difference between returning and escaping.

Ultimately the movie was about taking a stand for what you believe, and I’d like to think it was also about the depth and difficulty of politics.

I’m in the front of an airplane to LA using my phone to have a pissing contest with my friends on the internet about which of our well-paying jobs’ offices has the better liquor cabinet and I think I probably have no right to complain about anything ever again.

I can agree with the sentiment of that. I’m regularly reminded of how much I have compared to what I started with, while I’m still unsure if it is worth the while. When this flu began, it started with a panic attack. I reached out to M.

When T and I caught up after my trip, I went on for a bit about different ways of loving people, and different relationships. What being in love with M meant these days.

Facebook tells me one of my aunts is going back for more surgery for cancer. We’ve got pretty high rates of cancer in my family. I wonder if they’re higher than normal. Another Aunt goes on about a soda can leaving “under god” off the pledge of allegiance. Turns out it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it is interesting to take some time out to read about the history of the pledge of allegiance. In particular, “under god” was added in the 1950s, and wasn’t part of the original pledge as written in 1892, by a Christian socialist no less.

Meh. It’s all just surface.

Choices to be made.