I won’t get to talk to J again until tomorrow afternoon. That seems awfully far away. There’s this duality of the near and the far right now.

Five years since M and I moved to Seattle from Maine. Three years since the motorcycle accident marks nearly three years since I started at Widemile. Now? We embrace the unknown. That goes on the whiteboard. I keep building, and building, this, upward [mobility]? Toward what? New challenges. Instead, I’m pulling out the carpet, taking a a bunch of risks; emotional and financial don’t seem to touch the reality of the changes.

There’s too much answering, too much reasoning. Five years ago I moved out here to, what, find something new. M said to try working at a big company but that’s lost in M’s ideas about my supposed lack of appreciation for all that I had; to not be the go to tech guy somewhere.

I couldn’t explain it all today. I wish I could explain it to someone right now. Where is everyone that I love right now? There’s just too much vaguery here.

K and I spent something like nine hours talking yesterday. Mostly lying in the grass, barely existing to others in a strange park that provided endless entertainment by way of strange people doing strange things. This was good. This is as things should be. Time to stop trying to solving everyone’s problems, to take care of everyone? Time to just let go of them and live my life?