I’m great at recognizing the physical and emotional tells that I’m tired these days. Talking on the phone to a friend today I said that I should probably go because I just recently left my therapists office and I was in quite the telling mood. As we talked about dating I started chattering about past flames and then, really cut myself off, until another day.

I’m really into Megan Myers. I’m into more art lately. That’s weird. Anyway, I saw some of Megan’s work at Katy’s Cafe in the CD the other day, and there’s some that I want to buy. Really though, I want to commission something, but I distrustful of my heart. That which is meaningful, the memories I want to draw upon, are inappropriate now in that “should move on” sort of way.

I spent some time talking to J today about M, how I had been putting her in the past by reminding myself of how a lack of time wasn’t true, evidenced by her continuing to date others, and that I’d told myself that she didn’t really like me that much. J questioned me if I really believed that, because she didn’t. I squeamishly admitted I didn’t with an embarrassed smile, but explained that I didn’t really have any other course of action. What’s done is done, and what could be said has been. Life is different now, even if my feelings, ultimately, aren’t.

See? I’m saying too much again.

To PDX tomorrow for the rest of the week. Next week, the end of July. Everything happens next week. July, you’ve been foretold of.