My phone hasn’t worked the majority of my time in Maine. That’s alright. Headed deeper into the woods tonight, up to T5 R7.

I feel like I’ve squeezed ten years of dating into three. That I’ve come full circle and love is back up to fate, at least the first step.

I talk with Mom’s family about the 1000 acre backyard, think about the land carved out of that where a cabin needs to be built still. I realize I only lived in my fathers house for five years, where he’ll likely die, sooner than later. The family keeps saying he’s holding on to it for me. My grandfather speaks of the 150 acre farm up north, now a tree plantation, and how nobody has wanted it. Dad tells him I might. I’ll look at it today on my way up to camp.

I bought another book at LL Bean, while replacing the camp sleeping bags I took west. It’s about a musician and his family who moved up north and became a Maine guide, supporting his career via the internet in the interim.

It’s nice showing Tori all of this. Over 700 miles driven since Saturday, we’ll break 1000 by the time we go home. I want someone in Seattle to understand where I come from and get an idea of who I am because of it. I’ve mostly avoided the shadow of M from detracting from the meaning of it.

How to reconcile these two lives with a partner? Who would want to live in the woods, how few would understand what that really is, beyond the romanticism?

I feel doubtful I’ll meet that person again. Back to trusting fate and surviving.