Man, Monday wasn’t anything it was supposed to be. Oh well. Life does what it does, learn and move on.

There was some conversation lately in a volunteer organization about my ability to step up in meetings and get people back on track, and where that ability came from. Friends and I have joked about reading Parkinson’s Law, avoiding work meetings that lack agendas, etc. I got talking to J about this recently. When I was in my teens, my understanding of certain technical systems was above average for my age group. In my twenties, my understanding of certain social systems appears to be above my age group. I shook my head as we discussed this, having had a naive impression that I had aged to the point where it didn’t really matter anymore. Acceptance of this is an eye-opener, as I roll in having putting yet more above average amounts of energy for my age group into considering what I want from work, life, friendships and intimate relationships. In hindsight (I’m reading a really interesting book about hindsight lately too).

J links this to my inability to maintain a relationship since M; being unable to feel that the people I’m dating not only like me, but challenge me with who they are. Okay, maybe she likens the period to since I started dating in Seattle, and lean more on the period since M. Mom says that sometimes books find us, and I’m feeling that way with the aforementioned book on hindsight as I’m identifying with passages about forming a narrative from our pasts.

I’m excited for 2010, it’s going to be a year of change. Upon feeling that, I look back at the last few years and realize they all have been. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.