I had lunch with Adam the other day and I mentioned the fear of compromising who I am for a relationship. He stated that nobody I’ve dated would outwardly want me to do that for them. Not that he has known most of the people I have dated, but as a rule. That calls into further question what exactly I aim to garner from a relationship. Lately I have been more convinced it is to be challenged as a human that has been missing, and I’ve spoken a lot about ‘peers’ accordingly. Maybe I need to make that fully my own responsibility and find comfort in a more pure companionship setting. Which is to say, establish a companion as less as a motivator and more as a cohort. Does this come back to ‘pals’? That’s just confusing.

I used to complain that I had simple desires that were so hard to fulfill. Now I see them as not so simple, but still maintain that I am not asking for very much. Still, so few I meet seem to have the experience to leverage to grasp so much. J comments often about how I’ve put more energy into this than those in my age group. Does that make dating anyone my age or younger a fundamental mistake? That would be prejudice, but I wonder about the implications.