I hate sleep. You know that question, if you could fight anyone in history who would it be? Sleep. Slippery bastard… Laying, breathing for fourty-five minutes… Finally, I thought of something I had to write out. Soon it’ll be early enough to make a bowl of oatmeal and watch the sunrise anyway.

I was thinking about “that is just the way I am.” Is that a thought-terminating cliche? Not cliche. Maybe not thought-terminating. Conversation-terminating excuse. When said to oneself, denial. Lack of ownership. Lack of responsibility. There’s an implication that, yes, you don’t believe you should be that way, but that you can’t change it. Yes, of course you can. Maybe you don’t realize that. Probably you’re just frustrated. When said to another? Frustration… ‘get off my back’ level frustration. The conversation has ended and we’re defensive now conversation. Thus the earlier “conversation-terminating” label. I’d like to think that sort of statement isn’t in my life anymore. Like joking with my father about “fine, be that way, see if I care,” this will only be a shared moment of recollection henceforth. Is it? I think I feel like I’m still too much in the dark to know. Excluded? Maybe. That feeling is probably a construct. Solving problems that don’t exist again.

But you know. I’m here. I’m solid like that. Time and distance may ebb and flow, but that doesn’t change.