A series of events today seem to have changed something inside of me.

A while ago I saw something, I swear it was a dilbert comic, at the ARC Seattle command center regarding doing something meaningful. It bugs the hell out of me that I can’t find it and link to it. What sticks in my mind is the choice to do something good that nobody will notice,  or doing something meaningless for which you will get attention for.

When I watched A Beautiful Mind, I got left with the impression that all smart people are insane in some way. Stopping there though and moving on, I saw a House episode recently about a genius who was taking DXM to cause brain damage so he could feel normal. What is the emotional equivalent of that?

Talked to J about people who watch TV, not even too much, but regularly watch TV, and thinking about how much time they lose to that. To what, to entertainment? And what of being social? Entertainment? But if not all of this, than what? Change the world? No, my life still isn’t a line drawn on an advertisement on a bus, thanks. J asked how I was doing, and I felt one part reluctant to be open because of history, and one part disinterested in how I was doing. I want to say that it doesn’t change, that I get by. That’s a [mis]understatement. Most problems are solvable, they just take time. The others, they feel hopeless and foreign. It is a bizarre feeling of loneliness that I’m not all that familiar with.

It might be time to leave.