Sleep? I think I need to make another effort to return to a only couple cups of coffee a day, and in the morning. This is why we don’t do drugs kids, they’re habit forming. T told me something about _ that made me respond with “All the same, the thought of that connection makes me want to die.” physically tired but I was emotionally defeated. I had a nightmare about wandering all over a large apartment with multiple roommates avoiding _, only to still be hurt by her being with another, and then being tormented by being unable to find the layers I had shed everywhere so I could leave. I wouldn’t say I’m feeling more defeated than I was an hour ago. I think I’m behind on honest rest being out late the last couple nights with J. But I feel incredibly sad.

Somewhere I found a recent Op-ed piece, Cellphones, Texts and Lovers, which lead to A Critical (But Highly Sympathetic) Reading of New Yorkers’ Sexual Habits and Anxieties. The second is longer an better, I think the first was catalyzed by it. I could quote all of these articles, and so many parts reminded me of people, some of whom I sent it to directly to read. I don’t have it in me to go through and read it again right now. I could quote huge swaths, but I’ll just give you the part that hit deep and reminded me of _.

they all agree on how you lose: by betraying a level of emotional enthusiasm unmatched by the other party