Heart, what a defiant and mystical beast you are. Probably five months ago I took a bike ride down Olympia with friends for a farm party. It was an awfully strange and emotional weekend. This weekend the fall version of that party occurred. Same ride, and once again, quite the emotional weekend. All the same, though we’ve cycled, we’re not back where we started.

There was a time in my life where I developed a mental image of walking down a difficult path and rather than fighting it I side stepped. Like the invisible plank in the Last Crusade, another path is there that I can’t see. Maybe I’m just happy I woke up sans hangover this morning, maybe it’s all in the tallbike ride to work, but I’m somewhere else today. That which I had to leave behind to get here, is worth mourning for a moment.

Why was I so exhausted last week? It wasn’t the 135mi bike ride (well, physically maybe), nor working a lot. Perhaps you could attribute it all to the lack of sleep, but I’m figuring a significant portion of the cause was trying so hard. Some number of years ago I joined a road trip to Boozy Canada organized by some friends at the last moment for the weekend. While I did end up having to lead the trip (somehow I was the only one who knew how to get to Canada) that I wasn’t leading was absolutely wonderful at the time. Nothing is more tiring than leading, because I take everyones feelings into account when I do and it is a giant weight on me. I know I can’t change that I do that, but I’m thinking I may have found that other path for a while where I can justifiably say that everyone else needs to make the effort for a while if I’m important to them.