Finally tracked down a couple of friends to see 500 days of Summer tonight. I didn’t want to go alone or with a stranger to see, as Hannah confirmed, “a Bryan movie.” Why is it that I’m totally unashamed of my big heart until it becomes a burden? General confidence issue, specific confidence issue, or hurt surrounding what is promised to not be a burden, abruptly is?

This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story.

Rad conversation about relationships online tonight after the movie. Got thinking a bunch about how resilient I am over the long term, but still vulnerable to being hurt interim. That’s probably the right place to be. Movie still has a relatively happy ending that puts the moral in giant bold letters across the screen. That’s alright.

You weren’t wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me.

Yeah. Maybe you’re right. It’s still kinda sad.

I want to exclaim that I’m awfully fucking tired of being mistreated. That’s not fair on a couple levels. It’s an exaggeration to start. I’ve dated some good people. How to say this impartially? I suppose it’s mostly looking back at being wronged and feeling upset about it. The emotion is a bit overwhelming. I guess the memories that hurt the most are the ones where I put a lot of effort in drawing a line and communicating clearly (jesus, thinking about this conversation makes it clear that it has gotten better over the years) that I’m crossing it solely on a basis of trust, then having that trust violated.

And some other stuff. Sleep.