Realized today I’d been working on debian packaging for chef since January and thought back to all that’s happened since.  Eight months does not seem that long at all when I consider how much my life has changed since then. Why is every couple of months such a dramatic departure from the last for me? Some events are of course out of my control: breakups, acquisitions, etc. But even in those, how I choose to deal with them is never lying down. Every attempt is made to grow from these situations, even if that which caused them, simply isn’t.

I spent an hour telling the back stories of the power struggles and lack of commitment today. Patterns that I knew were there, that I have scratched in with pencil, were outlined in pen today. Dating the emotionally unavailable has happened more than once. A connection to those who take their independance so deeply to their core identity they stubbornly refuse to let it be held. More that I don’t have time to write about right now.

Of course my share of trials and their lessons work into these thoughts. Being too amiable has been mutated by ponderings of limerance, but accepted that it’s not actually wrong of me, I must be careful to not have it taken advantage of. I look at starheadboy’s checklists over my desk, “I love myself and what I do”, and remember that I identify as easy-going and I’m proud of making the effort to make the life easier of those I care about. Sometimes those people simply don’t want comfort that they don’t have to fight for and ‘earn’, unwilling to accept good things.

Also,

Tori Brewster listed you as her brother on Facebook.

Awww!