it’s funny how much cozier, and consequently happier I feel when I put up my hood. small things.
somewhere I recently said that I may be better at being willing to communicate and not so great at actually communicating. Upon the umpteenth thought, I’m still pretty confident in my ability to communicate. When I look back to that time, and recall how terrible I felt about my ability to communicate, I remember coming to terms with it and finally realizing that I was playing against a stacked hand because they had a veil of being open and sensitive over concrete self defense mechanisms. That other time was similar.
On that scale, I’m wholly in the other direction. Which isn’t really necessarily better, blaming yourself first. It’s still a challenge. I’m willing to believe that I leave less hearts broken and hurt along the way, and more willing to work through that which is life since my self image isn’t at stake.
im pretty much done with people who put their self image before their willingness to be honest/ have a real conversation about important things. I wrote a bunchabunchabuncha about it today, about stupid veeneers of “whats cool” usually drowns out dialouge about anything- and I keep running into the concept that caring about other people, romantically or not, is not cool- or it is, but only if you express it in snarky, smirky, wit filled ways. BOOORING.
Sorry. Thats been my lament for this evening.
Word! Although, there’s a different between the people that are snarky and those that want to be and identify has healthfully sensitive folk, but when faced with the turmoil have to put up walls to protect themselves.