xkcd’s idocracy rant (I’m a bit behind on the internet) hits an personal note. I was thinking on the bike ride to work this morning about how I’ve always been humble, but some degree of that has been a matter of esteem and embarrassment.

By the time closing remarks for ToorCamp came around, all the organizers were dead tired and a lot was falling through the cracks, including shout-outs to staff.. As we walked out, Tim and Geo apologized profusely for forgetting to mention me. Divide and Jaq told me every time they started to thank someone, they were both thinking “Bryan did that! Yay Bryan!” only to it be about someone else. Ultimately, I wish other people got more attention, because I appreciated them, which I should probably make clearer…. Alright, done. Also, other post material.

I do what I do because it makes me happy. That’s the ultimate, direct, goal. I say direct because, for example, it’s not future notoriety that makes me happy. I’m happy while doing it, and feel satisfied as a product of my accomplishments. I still like feeling appreciated, and there’s an interesting tangent in there about who I want to be appreciated by.

So I didn’t mind being spared the embarrassment of being pointed out at the closing remarks.

This morning when I was thinking about humility, I was focused on esteem. I’ve mentioned numerous times the feeling of the realization that without noticing I’ve surpassed some intangible bar of measurement that I had applied to other people.

Matt’s opening a new hacker space as a business on Capitol Hill, called Metrix Create Space or something. Using his newly acquired laser he created some special wooden coins for this space which have some fiscal value. He gave me one last week, because I “build shit.”

And it happened again. Wait, what do I build? Oh yes. All of this. I built this. Huh, funny thing there, sir.

I’m glad that in retrospect I can see that my humility has been more finely tuned over the years as a result of my desires becoming more distinct and actualized.