Tori and I rode the tandem up to Stellar to see M. M and coworker were going over to FBK for a show, so Tori and I conjured up a plan to go back to the house and put the keg in a bike trailer. Upon arrival at FBK we found J and J on the porch and joined them. J had apparently been talking about how they should come over to our house. I can’t really convey the awesomeness of all of this. How funny it was, and how much I needed it.

It was tough times all around, there was “wants more space” and “wants to see other people” so I added “doesn’t have time for me” to the deck and we talked for a while about how hard it is liking people. M and coworker disappeared into the show, and some others came and went from the porch (including apparently, awkwardly, one other), upon whom we forced free beer. Chris showed up after a bit too. Somehow we ran into J, who profusely apologized for missing our party and explained he and a friend had recently been dumped and went on a drug bender instead. Eventually Dookie showed up, being sort of himself, and after chatting with him for a minute I organized our team to head back to my house.

And we sat, bullshiting in the living room, J, J, and I continuing to bond over the difficulties of having feelings and falling in love. J had a tattoo of a “Falling Rocks” road sign with “in love” gratified into the space between that made it for me. On a day of insensitivity and having my feelings that felt left outside on a rainy night to begin with, further trivialized from afar, it was awesome to end it with like hearts, even if we were all sad. It was great having people I genuinely like also be people who love and lose and have no idea what to do about it.

S IM’d me a while ago, asking if folks needed to be worried about me. I’m not sure if I mentioned this, and this laptop is currently too slow to go and look. I know I’m hinting about this subject a lot, but I can’t emphasize the importance of having people respond to me in ways like this that are above the bar of marginalizing my feelings. I don’t really put thought into people reading any of this, but I know there are folks out there that do, especially when gossip goes around with the likes of “Guess what I read about Bryan on his journal!”

So I did get an email this morning from P, which I appreciate. Some clips,

Please don’t use the bar to drown your feelings or escape. You have far too much family history to go down that road.

I doubt greatly that L will continue to be a large part of your life. Picture your life happy without her. It will be. I can be.

L was very special to you. Please, don’t make her into your religion where your memories inflate the reality of her. You may have to consciously continue to change your thoughts. Everything reminds you of her because she is foremost in your thoughts. Distraction is a good thing.

I know that you are hurting. I don’t offer any of this lightly. Nor am I trying to minimize any of your feelings for L. I just hate to see you continuing to gnaw on the bone that has lost its marrow. Remember all that you have in your life. It is good.