Though I really do feel for you, because I know your heart is huge and being a person of that type always makes it a heavier burden when you’re unlucky in love

Lots of talk about my heart. I realize more taking ownership of my feelings, and them being mine. I’m less interested in sharing them, or broadcasting them perhaps. My thought goes into motivation. It’s possible to overthink all of this, so it’s still important to let my heart drive. But it’s sad. Standing outside the movie theater I wrapped my arms around the banister at the edge of the balcony as the fear of throwing myself off takes it’s usual hold. Only now, it’s sad.

Doors that were flung open are slowly being sealed back shut again. Along the way, I’ve gotten to see a little bit more of what’s inside them. It’s difficult remembering, because it makes me sad, but I have to live with that sadness. I’m not really in a position to walk away right now, so I get up and do what has to be done. Oh, hello Father.

It’s ____ how we justify reality, rationalize what happens to use, and explain it all away. I’m not very interested in any of it anymore.

And so it goes, a special room in my heart carved out. On my 27th birthday, more than ever, I’m not the person I was a year ago, and I could never go back.