I had a little mission that kept me in the city center last night which lead into another night of tomfoolery with the hack night kids. Mostly the usual, buncha drinking. Notable accomplishments were the projection of gay porn on the side of R Place, and Matt not only having one girl storm out the bar, (perhaps in hopes that Galen would chase her?) but getting chastised by the Tacos Gringos employee for hassling the other girl at the bar before we even got to Tacos Gringos. Some people have the craziest ideas… why are you looking at me?
Out of the millions of photos of Ben Country, a couple finally showed up of me. I’m such a loner. Here’s me looking all grumpy and lonerish, although mostly I wasn’t feeling like standing in a group of people and was thinking. Andre came over, and towards the time to go so did Alex, and good conversations were had.
The other is at another stop on the way out while waiting for the Ginger/Dog debacle to come to some resolution. I forget how broad shouldered I am.
Star Trek opens today. I was going to wait until tomorrow, being Friday and all, it seemed like the better day. I may just go out this afternoon, consider it a birthday treat to myself.
A year ago today one of my great grandmothers, Mae, died. She was 95. She had been suffering from Alzheimer’s for some time, and thus most of us couldn’t see her anymore. I expected that would have made it easier than it was. I miss her, and everything that was her. I found an old email from mom from that time today.
I also want you to know that just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean that you didn’t love that person….or continue to love that person. It’s how you use that experience going forward that continues to shape you.
Father is interesting. Or his impact on his family. Stoic independence to his death it seems, while we stand in a row watching, unable to do anything more. It’s a trend in my life, but, I think I’m feeling sorry for myself. A old friend from Maine IM’d me today talking about having problems with his wife. Looking at it, I’m reminded that all you can do is say how you feel and stand back and watch. I act on my emotions a lot. I’ve talked in the past about learning to filter them, and had a few conversations where I’ve been told I shouldn’t. Still, perhaps I need a different way of expressing my intentions. Mother made note that there’s a big difference between how you feel and what actions you choose as a result. I’ve been trying to put more in thought into what actions I feel like taking before I allow them to execute to identify what threads of them are selfish indulgence.
It’s feeling like something needs to be done about ones feelings that may be a premature assumption.