too many things remind me of L. It’s tough seeing the trains roll through the hood, thinking about biking over to the Duwamish, or looking at the Suburban and thinking about driving out of town.

I did my best to stay distracted tonight. Props to Tori for standing by me, and Jason for coming out. I searched for so many people to carry me tonight, and only found those two that I could count on. But squid turned out to have bingo night, and a bunch of local kids were there. Later at 9lb Jarrod and Cinder played board games with Tori and I. It felt like family, which totally carried me through the night of feeling distraught from losing something so close to my heart.

I blew it on school this week for so many reasons, but I feel like if I take care of myself well enough for the next half hour I’ll be able to go back to work tomorrow without feeling completely sick to my stomach.

Mother reminds me to “hang on to what’s good”. When questioned about what’s good, her list is valid, but it’s not what’s important to me. My priorities are normally relatively rational and automatic. I rarely value something as irreplaceable. I lost something irreplaceable today. I don’t want to sound too dramatic, but there are parts of you inside that die when you give up on dreams.

I’m cutting off as many reminders as I can, but it won’t be complete or effective. Time….