I slept a solid nine hours last night, maybe ten. Obviously I was tired, but I don’t like that sort of sleep generally, because of the dreams it produces. I rarely dream outside of those episodes. I had a dream about moving into my fathers house. At least David, Tori and Mom were helping. I don’t think Dad was there, which may have been part of what made it disturbing, in a Dad died sort of way. We were cleaning the house, maybe the basement, David was arguing over how to make another batch of some solvent Tori had cooked up. The only food in the house was beef, and somebody made some. I think I had some, which was upsetting too, until someone asked if I wanted to go to Squid. Which is geographically bizarre, but in the state of dreaming not wholly surprising. Meh.

I thought I mentioned this recently, but on a ride someone came up to me and expressed they thought this journal was cool. That’s been on my mind a bit. Last night a few of us met one of my current and previous coworkers (we started as students together too) Eric at Acme Bowl. What an insane venue. I walked in and immediately felt like I had come home to suburban America. It’s giant. 51,000 square feet gives you 40 lanes, 7 pool tables, private dining rooms, a bar plus it’s own seating section.

ACME combines a cutting-edge urban/industrial environment with the social entertainment of bowling.

Yeah, it’s nothing like bowling lanes are supposed to be. Mom commented on how it doesn’t smell like a bowling lane. We were put in a special area for by the hour bowling and private bowling parties that at the end of about eight lanes had five projection televisions. Two of which were playing music videos, mostly hip hop full of scantily clad woman and the likes. The others had various sports on, including poker. The sound from the music videos was blaring and there were all sorts of lighting effects.

Back to the point. Occasionally though, an old video would come up. Once of which was Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette. I got thinking about the lyrics, and people identifying with lyrics. While browsing some compilations that included her songs on iTunes, I noticed iTunes Essentials, Gay Pride: Girls 2. I couldn’t figure out if this was “music by gay girls”, or, “hey, if you are a gay girl you might like this” or what, and I found this article. Alanis shows a little surprise that she has a large gay following.

When I heard about your and Ryan’s breakup, I said, “Well, that sucks, but at least some incredible music will come out of it.” Did you have a similar realization?
Wow. Once the record was finished, it dawned on me that so much beautiful art comes from transmuting pain. It’s always been the case. But there are two great life forces that have the power to move worlds: anger and love. For me to become empowered postdepression, I have to move through anger. So [the new track] “Straitjacket”? Angry.

So keeping an online journal. Many people tell me it’s great that I do, and they’re almost always (if not always?) people who don’t themselves. I think it’s a privacy concern out of the gate, although I think it’s unfounded and unfortunate. The only time I’ve had any other response to my journal being online than “that’s great” was once or twice with an ex-girlfriend who was worried about what her friends who read my blog talking about my feelings would think about her. This was insanely convoluted and I’ll leave it at that. One of the things I like about writing an online journal is that people can not only read the things I’m thinking about, but hopefully see that we think about some similar things. Growing up I always felt like everyone else had it figured out because nobody else I hung out around talked about what they were thinking about. I didn’t either at first, out of fear of being weird and alone. Eventually I started writing and with no negative consequences coming out of it, I ended up where I am today.

This post is like how I tell stories, too many are getting mixed into each other. I was talking to Mom in the truck last night about keeping an online journal and where other people find their connections and express themselves. I mentioned that watching that Alanis Morissette video made me think about how people connect with music and lyrics. She agreed that there’s some relief and not feeling alone about how you feel in identifying with someone’s lyrics.