Holy crap. I went back to read changing tides to see what I last wrote of consequence… weeks since I posted. Wrist is still broken, I expect months for it to be healed still. It’s bizarre, because I’ve thought so very much since then. The majority of it has been in the form of conversations with people though.

I’ve made many references lately to when I dropped out of high school. It was a pretty hard, radically life changing period from me. I went from following what I belived was the prescribed course of life to coming to terms with simply living.

I’m going through that again, but rather with relationships. I’ve worried where things are going, and how I’m going to know when I get there too much. It’s taken me a lot of hurt to come to start realizing that I need to let myself live in this department as well and let life take it’s course. It’s much harder I think, because I feel so strongly. The cost of the choices feels more painful.

I’m pretty independant, and in high school I had less concern about what others thought and felt about my situation. I wonder if I would feel differently now. Would I worry about my parents feelings? Their worry, or concern, more? Somehow I don’t think so. So it’s tough to evaluate why I’m more apt to feel dismay in the matters of relationships.

The lessons I learned from life about being patient and thoughtful now have to be applied to relationships, and my feelings. I feel like this is a significantly more difficult struggle and likely one with no destination… just a path.