Edge is too flaky on the train this far out to maintain an internet connection, so it may be waiting until Portland for that. I tried reading a bit more of Stick and Rudder but was really too tired. I picked up Hitchikers guide last night and got through the intro and a few pages in, again too tired. Thinking about this, I’m recalling times when I’m sitting still long enough to feel tired.

I first remember the times I used to go to camp while living in Maine. I had stopped going when my parents did, preceding their divorce, and took it back up myself in my teenager years, usually with friends or inviting my mother along. I think the last time I went to camp with father was within a couple of years of the divorce. As a side story, it took some stubbornness of my own to go back to the camp he had built with my mother before it was sold. He stopped going there due to some drama, but I made a hike in to see the place through the eyes of a young adult rather than the glossy memories of my childhood. Anyways, camp is a simpler place, and the first couple nights usually full of more sleep than I would have realized I needed before finding a nicer rhythm.

I rarely fall asleep in movies, because I get caught up in them; be it the action, the story or just some sort of transference out of reality. Sometimes though, I’ll watch a familiar movie at home, intending to fall asleep.

Long driving adventures over eight hours or so are tiring, especially if I’m not talking or singing. I have to resort to stopping often for coffee; more for the stopping and walking than the caffiene, as I’m quite tolerant to the latter.

More interesting is how tired I feel when I’m around someone I like and, perhaps most importantly, that I’m comfortable with. All of these don’t seem connected very directly. That is, the lack of distraction is probably the most common thread. But the much more interesting thread that isn’t necessarily common is that of being at ease.

It’s hard for me to stop, and let everything go. I was thinking last night about how I don’t describe myself as outgoing, yet I’ve met on my own according more than an average number of people, mostly through looking for groups with common interests; of which I have many of. Many would probably debate that I am outgoing, but I rarely thrive on going out and meeting people, while at the same time I really like some people.

Similarly, I really enjoy doing and learning. When left to my own devices, I’m always up to something and get anxious if I sit around too long. I went to a party on the 4th where I only knew one person and found myself over whelmed with the quantity of people. If it was a small group of six or eight I probably would interject enough to join the conversation, but I’m comfortable with small talk in larger groups and working a crowd. After a while I started getting anxious about sitting around and headed out to find a small group of friends elsewhere.

So it’s particularly interesting when given the opportunity to be at ease. I knew of this a little from past relationships but, hadn’t been introspective enough at the time to offer an explanation for it, especially with an intimidatingly judging jury. Anyhow, that’s my mind on a train.