A couple interesting websites: you know when you google for a UPS or Fedex tracking number, Google offers you a link to the correct place to track? If not, try it sometime. I found today that if you google for a UPC Code, it takes you to this open UPC database project. I also met someone at a party that works at Bag, Borrow or Steal, a netflix model that rents designer hand bags instead of movies. The tubes sure have improved our lives!

I’ve been doing errands and house chores all day and I’m still somehow feeling behind. Oh well, I’m slowly getting better at turning down helping people and other opportunities; time management, yuck.  I’m sitting down now and picking up the High Fidelity book. If you’ve seen the movie, you may recognize this:

That probably sounds crueler than it is meant to, but the fact is that we’re too old to make each other miserable, and that’s a good thing, not a bad thing, so don’t take your failure to make the list personally. Those days are gone, and good fucking riddance to them; unhappiness really meant something back then. Now it’s just a drag, like a cold or having no money. If you really wanted to mess me up, you should have got to me earlier.

I’ve made many attempts since my accident to try to describe feeling old. Most recently was last night, as I was explaining to a friend of Julie’s why I moved out of the SS Awful Shark, and the explanation started with, “I’m feeling old”. I’m often unsure how deep to explain things. With something technical, it’s fairly easy enough to poke around someones head and see what their experience is, such that you can then choose the right level on which to speak. With matters of the soul though, I don’t feel that there’s an “experienced” and “unexperienced” scale, except perhaps that of lacking it altogether such as in youthful ignorance. So when I start explaining feeling old, I get all over the place, but that quote kind of struck me, because it has little to do with age, but rather something deeper and less finite. I usually go on to talk about patience, which never feels right, because I don’t feel like I’m an impatient person, although that may be changing as I find myself more and more uncomfortable when time is spent wasted (such as meetings where we talk about what we’re going to do, rather than do it. a whole other story there.) But like when talking to Speakeasy technical support recently and they were trying to explain to me the reasons that could have caused my problem, none of which I could do anything about, I was getting rather impatient and trying to make the tech stop talking and simply arrange whatever was required to move forward. I really don’t care -why- it didn’t work out, because there’s nothing I could do about it.

As I continue to explore my emotions and realize how they’ve modified over the past few years I find myself thinking more about what’s important to me to spend my time on. As I’ve chipped away drama inducing situations, which required energy to maintain but produced little more than the drama itself, I’ve found more desire to spend time with people that on a whole produce more happiness than effort goes in to the relationship, as I’m a believer in the sums can be greater than the whole theories.

Another long week begins tomorrow however, so I’m going to read, do some laundry and get some shut eye. Hopefully I’ll get in to work and get some work done before anyone really notices how far behind I am.